Ever wonder if the biggest names in the game spend their free time together?
I do too and I bet it would go something like this.
So one night Jordan and Shaq are having a sleep over at Shaq’s because he has the biggest bed. The two are incredibly competitive so they decide to play some chess.
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***MOST LINES ARE QUOTES FROM THE PLAYERS
**UNDERLINED AND ITALICIZED LINES ARE NOT
Jordan makes a move, slides a pawn out two spaces and the game begins.
Jordan: “Just play. Have fun. Enjoy the game.”
Shaq: “I don’t see us having a problem.”
Shaq moves a pawn and a couple uneventful turns pass. Then Jordan takes Shaq’s queen, laughing.
Jordan: “I didn't really have a choice”
Shaq: “There is no need to talk.”
Jordan: “Accept failure, everyone fails at something. When you think about the consequences you always think of a negative result.” You wanna bet on this? 20,000 to the winner, what do you say?
Shaq: “That’s sort of a trick question, and I don’t have a trick answer. Next question, please.”
Jordan: “I’m a competitor. I wanna play.” I wanna bet.
Shaq: Are you trying to Hustle me? I was in Kazaam. “I know what’s a charade, and I know what’s not a charade. I’ll leave it at that."
Jordan: I just wanna bet. Afraid?
Shaq: “I didn’t say anything. Got nothing to say.” You can’t trick me into betting. I’m Superman. Look at the Logo on my chest.
Jordan: Yeah, you’re Superman. You’re a hero. You can’t lose.
Shaq: "But you know, as the saying goes, a hero ain’t nothing but a sandwich."
Jordan: (Awkwardly) That’s the toughest part. (What is wrong with him??)
Shaq: "I’m a married man; I don’t need a relationship with another man."
Jordan: I just wanted a friendly bet. I didn’t ask you to dinner.
Shaq: “I’ll beat you up right now if you want me to.” “I’m George Bush. I’m the president.”
Jordan: I thought you were Superman?
Shaq looks over at his bed, ignoring Jordan.
Shaq: "I think I’m one of the patches of the quilt here. "
Jordan: Man, umm, what?
Shaq: "I was an earthling last summer. I had to go back to my alien roots. I don’t know how it is for you earthlings, but where I’m from, strength is mental."
Jordan: Alien huh? "I was pretty confident that I could make some kind of contact, and I did.”
Awkward silence. Jordan looks back at the game and takes out one of Shaq’s Rooks.
Shaq: “I knew I was dog meat. [But] I’m the good-quality dog meat. I’m the Alpo.”
Jordan: Rolls his eyes. Looks away.
Shaq looks down at his King, surrounded by a few pawns and lesser pieces.
Shaq: "It’s just like a bunch of worker bees protecting the king bee, because I’m not a queen bee. I’m a king bee.”
Jordan looks back at the board, desperate for some escape from this madness. Thank God. Check.
Jordan: No hard feelings, right?
Shaq: “There is nothing for me to be sour about. What you got to understand is that I’m a military man."
Jordan looks down at the pieces on the board, staring at Shaq’s with disdain. Shaq moves his Knight and takes Kobe’s Bishop.
Jordan: "That was a great move, but I don’t wanna tell you that. But I gotta tell you." Because the game is over man.
Shaq: "but did you ever hear me say anything about it?"
Jordan: "Intelligence wins."
Shaq: Being the best right now doesn’t do anything for my feathers. I’m the Halle Berry of the NBA. Everybody wants this, baby. Everybody wants me. I’m getting older. I’m getting sexier. I’m getting meaner. I can still do what I do."
He speaks the last line to the picture of Halle Berry hanging on his wall. Jordan made an escape sometime ago, even tripping on the tails of his tux. But Shaq didn’t notice. He only had eyes for her.
Photos ascribed to Google Images and the subsequent sites: Hoophypes, NBA.com and IMDB.com
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